Thank you to the sweet strong soul that carved kindness into the table I am sitting at today.
Once I dreamed that she was made of tiny pearls, tiny pink/lavender pearls. Her body was made of these. And when she went to sleep at night, she was scattered across her bed. And in the morning, she would pour herself into her clothes and move about the city, improving everything.
I’d touch her face, and pearls would trickle down her cheeks and down between her gorgeous breasts and I don’t know where they went from there but I wanted to go, I wanted to gather her together at night, stop parts of her from rolling under the dresser to be lost forever. I was something to hold her. (I would be there.)
If you were still around
I’d tear into your fear
Leave it hanging off you
In long streamers
Shreds of dread
I’d turn you
Facing the wind
Bend your spine on my knee
Chew the back of your head
Til you opened your mouth to this life
Sam Shepard, Motel Chronicles (1982)
Everything my husband touches turns to gold @kcgranger
oh things fall apart
and i’ll allow it
oh i liked working with you
oh i liked working with you too
oh i liked working
i loved working with you two
I literally keep this monster under my bed
Nah we haven’t left yet, but already reminiscing.
Millions (So Be It)
You think my daddy’s not gonna like you? You’re goddamn right. Once he sees how much I love ya, how much I need ya, nothing else remains - you are his next meal.
How often do you pray? How sincerely? While she’s talking to herself about screaming, naked, from a clif. She’s sitting in the corner singing Lana, “It’s you, it’s you, it’s all for you.” And we all laugh in the kitchen to cover the sad and lonely sound, but I am awake, and I am watching, and listening, and I cannot find you anywhere.
I have only ever lost myself in your arms. Is that what men do? They carry you?
Tonight I drove by my first boyfriend’s house, tonight I retraced our steps. I clenched my teeth and I imagined my lips smashing into the millions of lips I have loved.
What does it mean? What is the value of this? If he feels rejected, so be it. So be it.